HalfSmirk

Lordy Lord

2010-09-28T10:28:00.000-05:00

Oh it has been such a long time.
Such a long, long time.
Why?                         Can't say.
Busy? Always.
Kids? Work? Hubby?    Yes. Yes. Yes.

What have we been up to? Tons of things! All kinds of stuff!
Am I going to go through it all right now ad nauseum? Nope. I'm just not that kinda gal.
Am I going to reference all the great stuff in my posts for the rest of the year?   Yep.
Will that force me to tell the stories of all the time we've lost? Yep.
Am I okay with that? You better believe it.

Here's a taste of the last 8 months....

What once was my dining room and kitchen....

My formal living room floor....

Broccoli when left unattended....

A little beach time for our sanity...

More preschool than I think I am ready to handle...

Good Friends, Good Times

2010-02-08T11:36:00.000-06:00

This is practically old news since I have waited like a week to post, but since that is indicative of how my life is going at this very moment - it just feels right.
All these newfangled social networking sites have opened up so many doors for so many people. I'd love to have an actual count of the jobs created by FaceBook alone. I mean "Head of Social Networking Department"?? Congrats and all, but what the heck is that??
While Facebook and my long abandoned MySpace page have not opened up an new career doors for me - they have given me a reconnection to my past that I would have missed out on and I am incredibly thankful.
Just last year I commissioned a dear old friend of mine who I haven't seen in at least 15 years to create a most beautiful piece of artwork for me...

I can only share a little piece of it as I have not yet picked it up and I am practicing some serious self control in not calling her right this very moment so that she can send me a full picture of this beautiful thing!

She is a fantastic talent - check her out if you don't believe me - and I am forever grateful to be in touch with her again.

Just a week or so back I was able to spend half of a lazy Friday with a friend I hadn't seen in at least 20 years! Now, besides making me feel like an ancient being, that just seems crazy! We had a wonderful lunch of Hummus and Buffalo Burgers and shrimp tacos at a laundry mat attached to a car wash. (It's called The Cove and it is glorious!!) Then we spent an hour at the Pearl Brewery acting like the silly kids we used to be....
Enjoying the scenery...

Peeking in at the culinary arts students...

Crashing parties we weren't invited to...

Goofing around...

Train hopping...

Trespassing on other people's property...

Posing with good friends...

Excuse the lack of me in these pictures, but I am a behind the camera kind of gal!
It was a great time and I look forward to many more new memories with old friends.

The Apple band wagon

2010-01-27T11:39:00.000-06:00

So apparently you can get applesauce directly from apples! Who knew? You don't have to go to the local grocery store or convenience store or even an out of the way apple specialty shop - all you need is apples.
I suppose somewhere deep down inside and thoroughly hidden by HEB circulars - I knew it was possible, I just never gave it any thought.
However, after reading blog after blog after blog of successful apple sauce pioneers - I had to give it a shot.
Very good call...
After a very healthy run of Apple Cake baking - thanks in part to inspiration drawn from Phoo-D's blog - I had already purchased my new favorite kitchen helper...

If you do not already have one and you can foresee ever having to peel more than one apple - EVER - find one of these little godsends and buy it - you will not regret it!
1 apple peeler/corer/slicer, 12 apples and one 8 year old later...

Beautiful bald apples and

some serious love for the compost heap!!

We chopped these little guys up, added come cinnamon and squirt of lemon and threw 'em in the crock pot. The beauty of this is that all you have to do at this point is deal with your house smelling like apple cinnamon paradise for the next 8-10 hours...nice.

And then, after all the hardship your nose has been forced to endure - you get beautiful, tasty, healthy, homemade apple sauce.

I guess this makes me the gatherer...

2010-01-26T09:01:00.000-06:00

My guys are hunters. A far away cabin, weapons and helpless furry or winged creatures and they are set for the weekend!

2 days without the worries of work or women, bonding with like minded others - what more could they ask for? For them it means waking up shivering in sleeping bags, coffee by the fire outside (hot chocolate for the little hunters) and a day of manly endeavors.
For me it is a weekend spent with my little guy. A quiet house, cereal for 2 at the big table, coloring on the floor and a 3 hour nap smack dab in the middle of the day - which we are more than prepared for as we rarely change out of our pajamas!

Come Sunday they return home with tales of the one that got away or the one that didn't.

Mom! You won't believe how cold it was!!
And would you believe??
And can you imagine??
And I can't wait till next time!!
You would think all these stories (tall tales or not) would be the highlight of their return - but no - there is something I enjoy so much more...

The outfits...oh how I love the outfits. Who wears this kind of stuff?
Apparently my guys!
And now that the hunters have returned...it's time for the gatherer to get started...

A blessing, one year in the making.

2010-01-08T14:54:00.001-06:00

December 28th 2009 at 5:00 a.m. marked a most glorious anniversary for my family. See, one year before was the most horrifically frightening moment of my adult life.
During a great weekend spent with my my most wonderful aunt and uncle, Gabriel and I woke up at 5:00 in the morning because we heard something strange. We sat up in bed and took a second to fully focus on on what we were hearing...HE'S CHOKING - GET UP, HE'S CHOKING.
I know we both jumped out of bed, I know that Gabriel grabbed our beautiful, sweet over-thinking Jared and turned him over to try and clear whatever was in his mouth, I know it took only seconds to realize he wasn't choking.
He was rigid, he was shaking, his eyes were open, but he was not there.
I had never before and have not since seen anything so jarring. It shook me to my core and for some amount of time - I honestly don't know - I froze. My body froze and my mind raced. In what had to be only seconds the thoughts that went through my head were all the fears that live, deeply recessed in every parents mind.
When Gabriel finally pulled me back to reality I yelled for my uncle - who had always seemed like a pillar to me anyway - and he came to our aid. He was calm and thoughtful and took control of the most out of control situation I had ever been in. My aunt stepped in - you'd be hard pressed to find a more honest, caring person (plus - she is a spit-fire and you have to dig that!) - she kept me calm and grabbed up the baby to give us one less thing to worry about.
His body finally relaxed. His mouth stopped it's constant movement. His eyes closed. And then there was nothing.
No response. No amount of yelling, shaking, poking, prodding - no response - he was still not there.
We piled in to the car, rushed to the ER (in a west Texas town with a population around 1000). The rest is a long story of tears and blood draws and monitors and one scared little boy waking up somewhere completely unfamiliar with no memory of anything other than going to bed the night before. It was gut wrenching and exhausting.
My Jared had a seizure. Out of nowhere. It was not born of fever or sickness or anything tangible. No one could tell us why. No one knew if it would happen again. No one could tell us anything.
We headed back home that day. It was going to be a 6 hour road trip, but everyone agreed - it would serve us better to be back in the big city if anything else happened.
The next month was doctor after doctor and test after test. The pediatric neurologist preformed all of his tests and sat two anxious parents down to tell us that from what he could tell Jared had all the signs pointing to a future filled with seizures. Devastation.
He gave us a list of anti-seizure medications. He told us the pros and cons of each - see no one medicine is just right, they all have their issues.
Possible fits of rage, suicide, moodiness, attention span issues, long term risks unknown.
He told us that as a doctor, after looking at Jared's results, he was recommending starting medication immediately.
I asked him what he would do as a parent? He said he honestly didn't know.
Gabriel and I decided that giving our child mind altering drugs at the age of 8 to prevent seizures we weren't sure he was going to have was something we had to put more thought into. We told the doctor we had to think about it and would come back in a week.
We lied.
We didn't need to put more thought into it. Neither of us were willing to risk these side effects, these unknowns. Neither of us was willing to potentially alter who our boy would become.
We didn't need a week to make a decision. We needed a week to come to terms with the possibility that our decision was the wrong one. The possible ramifications of not protecting him in advance. The seizure while riding his bike, pedaling as fast as he can, down the hill in front of our house. The seizure while swimming during camp this summer. The seizure that lasted too long, caused permanent damage. The seizure that would rip my heart out if I had to watch it again.
We needed a week to get our heart's right. To talk to our families. To talk to our God.
We called the doctor a week later and told him we would not be medicating Jared. He respected our decision and asked us to keep in touch and of course to contact him if there was another seizure.
Our pediatrician was not so confident in our decision. She had the same fears I had and she said that they would rule her decision, but she respected that they would not rule ours.
We put a monitor in his room while he was sleeping. We had him shower with the door open and bugged him relentlessly -
"Are you okay Jared?"
"Yes Mom"
"Just checking"
We were overbearing and certainly annoying for a while there, but slowly we eased up, we let go.
It is a year later and he doesn't have a monitor next to his bed. He shuts the door when he showers. He rides his bike as fast as he can down the hill in front of our house.
He has not had another seizure. I pray daily that he will never have another seizure.
I can't say that he won't. I can't say what I will do if he does.
What I can say is that I give thanks to God for the safety and health of my boy.
What I can say is that we take it one day at a time - and we take NO days for granted.

Is that pasta on your forehead?

2010-01-05T16:21:00.000-06:00

I just want to take a nap...

I want to have so little to worry about. So little to fuss about. Nothing pressing on my plate (other than angel hair noodles of course.)

No house payment. No car payment. No tax man cometh.
It is January of 2010 and I want to relax.

Yep, I want to fall asleep in my dinner.

My Little Flyer

2010-01-02T10:30:00.001-06:00

So the days finally ticked by, it was December 27th - not a day that stood out for your average guy or girl - but for my little guy it was a big day. A BIG day.
Jared was scheduled to take his first ride in the Friendly Skys - at least the first ride that he has been old enough to remember. You wouldn't think this was too big of a deal and up until about a year ago it wouldn't have been. But for some reason, approximately one year before this fateful day - Jared decided flying was dangerous and he wanted none of it! "Can't we just drive to Washington?? Can't we take a train?" And while those are certainly worthy options in their own right - they are not options as long as his little brother is under the age of 5!
I have known since the moment I heard his declaration that eventually he was going to have to come to terms with his fear - some people can get away with not flying, I'm not one of them. I fly. I fly all the time. I've been flying for as long as I can remember.
And so it came to pass...
Jared made plans to spend a week up in North Texas with Grandpa! Time to do some shooting, four-wheeling, hunting and carrying on! Manly-Man stuff, you know? Unfortunately, and as normally happens around here, plans changed and alternate travel arrangements needed to be made.
2 options:
1.) I drive him half the distance - about 4 and half hours - and we meet in the middle.
or
2.) My little guy gets over his fear of flying.

Yep - we opted for #2! I worked on this boy for a week. We went through the day, what was going to happen, how it was going to happen. No, your not going to roll backwards out of your chair when the plane takes off. No, it's not going to fall out of the sky. No, it doesn't hurt when you land.

We got him a "flying" bag. We packed it with snacks and gum and a DSi and some quarters (just in case there was a candy machine). We got a solar powered, blinking "JARED" key chain to attach to said bag - so everyone would know it was his. We were ready, we got through security without a hitch, we were 30 minutes away from him boarding that plane...and the flight was delayed. By an hour.

Dear Lord,

Please do not let the next hour derail the train we are so steadily and bravely moving forward on!!

Amen.

See, the thing with Jared is that he is a thinker. To heart. To a fault. He can out think the best of them and left to his own devices you would be amazed what he can come up with. I knew that any second I would hear the well thought out, well said words of wisdom come out of his mouth..."I can't get on this plane because...." and it would be all downhill from there.

So I began scanning the airport - must be something to do, to eat, to buy, whatever, JUST SOMETHING!!

And then it happens, he stands in front of me, looks deep in to my eyes - with his most serious face mind you - and says, "Can I DS download with that boy over there?"

"Can you what???"

"DS download. With that boy. Over there."

And I look up and see a little curly haired guy, DS in hand, pleading with his eyes...please let him play, please let him play. And so I did.

They spent the next hour playing the same game on different machines - in fact, the older kid on the right joined in about 20 minutes later and all 3 were playing! There was a lot of trash talking, "I beat you dude," "you're so slow dude." And I still don't fully understand the art of DS downloading, but for an hour it kept my dude busy and I am forever thankful!!

When all was said and done he did get on that plane and he did fly to Amarillo, with a brief landing in Dallas, all by himself. And you would think there would be a picture of the plane taking off in to the sky here, but mom was busy, crying as her first born flew away. That was one heck of moment for this mom.

And yes, he landed safely. And yes, he called mom as soon as he was turned over to Grandpa. And when mom asked, "So how was it?"

"It was awesome mom, it was so awesome. Can we fly everywhere now??"

Oh yes, we most definitely can.

Happy New Years!!

2009-12-31T16:21:00.000-06:00

Do you remember where you were 10 years ago?

I was in Lubbock-By-God-Texas. Living the single life. Sharing a house with my best friend. Driving a big Red 4X4. Bar hopping on New Year's. Flirting with boys and having an all around good time.
I though I had it made. I thought I was living the life. I thought there was nothing else I needed.
I was wrong.
10 years later I am an old married lady with 2 kids, a dog and a bird. I drive a mom-mobile. I stay in most nights. The only boys I flirt with are 8 and 2. I'll be spending New Year's surrounded by family and friends - shooting off fireworks outside of downtown San Antonio (don't tip off the police).
I do have it made. I am living the life. There is nothing else I need.

Happy New Year's everyone. Be safe, Be loved, just Be!

Merry Christmas to All...

2009-12-31T11:59:00.000-06:00

I love Christmas, I can't say it's my favorite holiday, but it is up there. We don't have any set in stone traditions - we're more of a "wing it" family. For Christmas Eve we stayed home with the boys and made a big pot of chili and a big pan of cornbread. Daddy started a fire and we opened presents while periodically warming ourselves!

Jared got Daddy a new handy, dandy, pocket screwdriver contraption - "Now you don't have to ask me every time you need a star head or a flat head!" he says.

It was a great Christmas as usual, we ate too much, drank too much, and laughed just enough to get us through to New Years!!
Merry Christmas.
Luke got more books - this kid is crazy for books!! These even help him read!

Everyone was well fed and well gifted. The cookies and milk were waiting for the big guy and the kids were quickly dispatched to bed. This would've been the time to settle in for some good sleep, but apparently the big guy needs parents to not only BUY the gifts, but put them together TOO! Why does this red dressed fellow get all the glory if we have to do all the work??
That said...."Santa" did a GREAT job - they are glorious!!

And my Lukers loves them!!

We had Christmas dinner with the In-Laws...

The kids got even MORE presents...

The girls became the stuff of Fairy Tales...

The boys played their stinking video games...

The adults enjoyed their beverages..

I took somewhere close to 75 pictures to try and come up with 1 good shot of the kids and 1 good shot of the grandkids. Should it really be that hard?? (with our group - the answer is yes!)

BraveHeart

2009-12-23T08:29:00.000-06:00

My Jared, he's a good kid. He's rambunctious and loud and mouthy at times, but he's a good kid.

There is a plan in place to get him up North just after Christmas so he can spend a fun filled week at the ranch! 10,000 acres of 4-wheeling and go-carting and target practice - what little boy wouldn't go head over heels for that? Problem is - it's going to take a plane ride to get it done. Alone.

He has stood strong in his conviction that he was NOT getting on a plane. No way, no how, not going to happen. Until today. He asked some basic questions, had me outline just exactly how it would go down and then said, "Let's do it!"
Wow, I am so proud of this little man. He rationalized and weighed his options put aside his fears. I will say though - the promise of free soda without mom there to give him the "Are you kidding me???" look - most likely put him over the top!!
We still have 3 or 4 days, so anything could happen, but we are a step closer to getting him past this little 8 year old fear and that pleases me to no end.

Now if I can only manage to keep it together until he gets out of view....lord help me! I'm pretty certain I will be the one freaking out in the airport.

My Lukers

2009-12-22T13:41:00.000-06:00

My Lukers, sometimes I just think about him and I smile.

He is silly...

He is emotional...

He is a worker...

A player...

He is a boy...

He is a knight...

He is a two year old who loves his mama.

And I couldn't ask for anything more.

A slow day...

2009-12-21T14:35:00.000-06:00

It is so very easy for me to get so wrapped up in projects and meetings and employees and housework and holidays and so many other things that I almost forget to breath - that's what it feels like anyway! Well, this weekend, after multiple Christmas parties and a Saturday spent at the office we took Sunday off - as we should anyway - and had a lazy day at the farm. Oh how I love a slow day...

The boys chased chickens...

And Daddy showed 'em up...

We had introductions...

I think she was having a better time than she let on :-)

I can't tell you how in love I was with these sassy ladies!!

The boys also got in some bovine time...

Jared met Cash...

This was about 2 seconds before a full fledged gate charge by young cash - no pictures of that as I was busy trying to save Jared from what I was sure to be imminent doom.
See, Cash hates Jared, Cash hates everybody, but apparently he holds a little something extra against little guys.

He even looks like he hates you - squinting his eyes like that I expect to hear "You talking to me? Are you talking to me??"
The boys drove around...

And rode around...

Played with the farm dog (he was a CUTE one!!)...

And the farm deposits...

I appreciated the farm house

All in all it was a beautiful, slow day to watch the ducks float by...

I am forever thankful for my many blessings.

My Bird Brains

2009-11-28T20:00:00.000-06:00

My little Lukers loves birds! Especially Big, Big Birds as he calls them! So how lucky were we to have one land right in front of us??

And although the boys didn't get as close as they would've liked, they sure did enjoy watching it fly off...

Sure made for a nice day at the lake.

I won something! I won something! I won something!

2009-11-17T09:47:00.000-06:00

I can't believe I actually won something! I never win anything! And - even better - I won something totally great! Yippee for me!
Dave over at The Home Garden choose my name out of a hat (actually a Halloween bag) and I won the EcoSmart Bug Killer Giveaway!!!
If the thought of pesticides and chemicals and all that icky stuff makes you fear for your children's health check out the EcoSmart site - it is chock full of good stuff that will take care of your pests and your family!
Now to go wait by the mailbox for my Home Pest Control!!!
And if you have some time on your hands and an appreciation for great gardening - check out The Home Garden - it is a beautiful site full of fantastic information!

Start a Hope Revolution

2009-11-11T17:11:00.001-06:00

I didn't start this revolution, it wasn't my idea, but boy how I dig it. My cards are laser printed on business card stock but they all have as big a piece of me as I can stick on there (and none of my awful handwriting)!
The website speaks for itself, but it cannot begin to speak for how it makes you feel. I don't get to see the person reading what I have left for them, but I like to imagine they smile, maybe laugh and hopefully they feel better, maybe all day, maybe for an hour, maybe just for that moment - but better all the same.

NEVER STOP WISHING

I BET YOU ARE FLYING INSIDE

FOR A MIND THAT IS STILL, THE WORLD SURRENDERS

I haven't put out many, maybe 15, but it sure feels good. You know it doesn't hurt that it feels a little sneaky too - looking over my shoulder, making sure no one is around...

Although I was a little concerned that the person who found my laser printed business card reading "ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE" on their windshield might get the wrong impression - I sure hope not! :-)

http://www.hoperevo.com/

The Great Pumpkin....slaughter.

2009-10-29T22:15:00.000-05:00

Poor Pumpkins…much like the Turkeys in the month to come, October’s pumpkins never stood a chance. Oh the sacrifice they make so that their blazing crooked smiles can light our walks and spook our children.

This year my guys took their pumpkin design very seriously, pre-planning was not only necessary...

but also quite taxing.

We soon discovered – not everyone enjoys the art of squash disemboweling

Lucky for him Daddy’s shirt was handy for gut clean up

When everyone was happy with their creation

We introduced them to the neighborhood

And Mom handled the Crime Scene

Oh Saturday, how I love thee...

2009-10-25T14:08:00.000-05:00

Do you know what happens at the New Braunfels H.E.B. at 6:30 on Saturday mornings? Elderly men from all around do their shopping. Now that in and of itself is not a spectacular event, cute, but not spectacular. The really interesting part of that is apparently it is necessary for them to start out their shopping experience with an H.E.B. donut and believe me - pity the fool who stands in their way. Saturday was my day to bring snacks and drinks for the boys after their football game and since I had a ridiculously busy week and the game was at 8 AM I decided on donuts and OJ. After the 4th cute as a button older gentleman pushed his cart darn near up my backside and gave me a "get the heck out of my way you whippersnapper, don't you know the rules of the Saturday morning H.E.B. donut shop??" - I gave up hopes of a wide assortment of donuts and picked up 3 dozen glazed to make it out of the bake shop with my ankles intact.
The game was a success - a million points to zero as far as our guys were concerned! Which means that we will be heading to the playoffs!! 4 more weeks of 3 nights a week practices and Sunday games - yes, it is a double edged sword. We treated Grampa to breakfast at Garcia's in San Marcos - if you ever get out that way try their Carne Guisada - good times. And then we headed home.
But not for long...because sometime, yes sometimes my husband says things that make me realize I am indeed the luckiest wife in the world.

him - "Do you want to go check out the nursery they were talking about in class last week?"
me - "ugh, gr, I, uh, YES, yes of course, sure, yeah, let's do it."

Oh my man loves plants and that is a-okay with me!!

Welcome to Fannick's! Oh the plants that were laid out before us!

Berries, berries and berries...

Beautiful flowers...

Strange trees...

Fungus Amongus...

The ever present Nursery cat...

And the boys creating chaos...

Butterflies enjoying the flowers...

All topped off by one of the cutest old ladies I have seen in years! Oh how I wish you could see her from the front. I don't know where she was going, but she was going in style, dressed to the nines! I wanted so desperately to have tea at her house - just precious!

Who needs all that Hoopla?

2009-10-24T11:18:00.001-05:00

Zero dollars, the leaf blower tube and 2 hours in the backyard...

How did it become a bazooka???

Even the dog enjoyed herself...

It didn't cost us a dime and it was still one great night to be together...

One of those days...

2009-10-23T17:10:00.000-05:00

It seems more often than not these days I have a million and 1 things on my plate. Most of those things are business related and should stay at the office, but when you run your own business you never really leave your office. At home, at the grocery store, at Jared's football games - at least part of my mind is still "at the office".

I love what I do, though I haven't always. When I was in High School and aspiring to get enough money to put gas in the uber cool sports car my parents bought during an obvious lapse of sanity - working with my dad on the weekends was simply a means to a speeding down the interstate end. When I was in college aspiring to a career in Criminal Justice (and breaking a ridiculous number of laws) - working with my dad during the summers was a means to a Tastes Great, Less Filling end. When I had given up on my crime fighting career and aspired to find myself, working with my dad was simply to put a roof over my head and food (too much apparently) in my belly. Sometime after that, I can't put a finger on exactly when, I realized this is what I am going to do, forever and I'm okay with that. Heck I am more than okay with that - I really dig what I do!

That said - there is always too much to do.

I always feel like I don't spend enough time with my boys, with my husband, with my dog, with that great book that I am so anxious to finish, with starting a scrapbook for my already 2 year youngest son.

Sometimes I just work and work until I am too sick to work anymore - although this rarely happens because I refuse to admit that I am sick (and I usually refuse to quit working).

Sometimes I work and work until my husband has that certain look in his eye when I come home and crawl in to bed at 4:00 in the morning. I usually vow then and there to slow down - until my alarm goes off at 6:00 and I get up to go at it again.

Sometimes I work and work until I feel so empty and sad and alone that my chest feels heavy with the weight of it all and I think maybe if I just sat down and cried for awhile some of that weight might lift off and make it easier to breathe.

We are moving the company to a new office in the next week or so - don't get me started on how the general contractor is 3 months late on getting me in there. I have 3 big projects going on locally right now and all scheduled for completion at the same time, along with normal service and maintenance calls, a hugetastic project kicking off in Florida and basically a total revamp of the entire company.

Basically it makes me want to throw up every time I think about it.

And just when I think I should just sit down and I cry - I run across something like this and I sit down and smile instead...

Oh how my neighbors must hate me...

2009-10-20T10:35:00.001-05:00

This past weekend was compost weekend. The days are getting cooler, Fall is slowly unfurling her cape and it is time to put the lawn to bed.
All of this is a wonderful and glorious thing..once you get past the feed lot smell - it is so hard to believe something so wonderful (manure) would smell like something so awful (manure).

Don't get me wrong - I personally love the smell. Not rub it on the inside of your wrists and dot it behind your ear kind of love, but more of a nurturing, healthy life cycle kind of love.
My men shoveled...

And raked...

And shoveled some more...

And when all was said and done we played (having already become accustom to the odor...

Jared trying to end his football career at 8...

And all of us appreciating what the earth has given us this year by trying to give her a little offering in hopes of our next year being just as beautiful.

Brief Diversion

2009-10-19T11:00:00.002-05:00

A free hour and only minutes from Landa park, I am so happy we stopped in.

A little time on the playground...

A walk along the river...

The hunt for river creatures...

Where's the pocket fisherman when you need it?

A little time spent cleaning off the bridge...

Climbing the "mountain"...

Admiring the hard workers...

And follow it all up with a nap...

May we never forget just how lucky we are.

Bones of a Poet - Yes!

2009-10-18T20:06:00.000-05:00

So my Bones of a Poet - Yes! e-course started today and I am already very excited. Check it out at Persisting Stars - Madelyn Mulvaney is one beautifully talented lady. I am not 100% sure what I want out of this course, but if nothing else it will serve as a little me time, something that is all mine with no kids, unless I bring them in and no husband, unless I bring him in. No work and no customers and no deadlines and no invoices or payroll or IRS or any of the horribly unfun parts of owning a business.
I plan to be totally honest with the other participants in this class and more importantly totally honest with myself. I think that this will be well deserved me time, that hopefully leads to a lot of me time.

Herb Babies

2009-10-18T08:13:00.001-05:00

Yesterday was the 19th Annual San Antonio Herb Market – I get excited all over again just typing that! Gabriel went in to work to get ahead for next week – isn’t just so diligent – so I dressed the kids in layers and headed downtown!

Jared spent the ride getting acquainted with my camera….first through a self portrait

and then the moving shot...

We took the obligatory picture in front of the antique gas pump – is it physically possible to pass an antique gas pump with out photographing it?

And then the gloriousness was revealed to us…oh if only I had smellabog…you would be so utterly happy…

I will admit I was not able to spend the kind of time I wanted with all the green herb babies, and organic hand made soaps and teas and oils and other glorious bits and pieces, but a 2 year old at a street market is not ideal. Although it did give Jared some more time with my camera...

That said – we still had a great time, got many new green babies for ourselves and some Mexican Mint Marigold for a brave friend, Jared even picked out some fantastically minty soap for himself. We will be back next year and I recommend it to everyone close enough to join us!

Oh how she mocks me...

2009-10-16T13:23:00.000-05:00

My dear friend Wendy who is smack dab in the middle of working her artist's magic for me has posted with the sole intention of driving me crazy. You can see the teeny, tiny little bit she has allowed me to look upon here.

She's a sneaky one this Wendy, but I'll pay her back.

AND, despite her evil ways and based solely on this little taste - I love it already.

Hormonal Genius

2009-10-09T19:31:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago I did something I thought very grown up and mature of myself - I commissioned a painting from a painfully talented friend of mine. It was all very forward thinking and purposeful. We discussed sizes and scale and colors and mediums, we discussed the feelings I want from it and the emotions it would elicit. Once we were on the same page and the deal was done - I felt glorious! I felt immediately that I wanted the painting yesterday, but I knew that what I really wanted was for her to spend as much time as necessary on it so that it would be everything we both want it to be.

Then, I found out she was in the family way! What a wonderful and exciting thing - made even better by the fact that she was 20 weeks along before she even realized it!! She was halfway finished before she even got started! Lucky...

But what about my painting? How would this little dirt loving earth baby growing in her belly affect her art? I remember being pregnant with both of my boys - there was good and there was bad and toward the end of both there were some times that Gabriel would just rather forget - God Bless him for not running away when I was waddling about and could not have given chase. Most of all I remember hormones - happy hormones and sad hormones, hormones that laughed uncontrollably and hormones that cried until my eyes swelled shut. These hormones coursing through my veins making me feel everything so much more intensely than I normally would.

I realized, rather quickly, just how lucky I was. If my painting had a fraction of that feeling, those emotions - my lord what a wondrous thing it would be! She is an artist down to the center of her being and now her being was double occupied! I can't wait to see this glorious piece (and I am pretty excited about the little hippie she is cooking too!)

I will admit though, the closest I got to artistic genius was 1 week before my due date when I locked my depressed crying self in the bathroom and stripped the paint off the cabinets with Scrubbing Bubbles (it totally worked). My husband thought I was crazy and maybe I was.

Obsession

2009-10-07T21:43:00.000-05:00

I have an obsession. I can't control myself. It fills my thoughts almost constantly. I need help. I need a fix. I need more bandanas...

While reading a friend's blog not to terribly long ago I came upon a most wonderful thing - Blue Yonder Bandana Pants. I managed to control myself for a couple of days. And then I brought the sewing machine out of retirement...and it was all down hill from there.

That is the camo pair I made last night - I will spare you the American flag pair, khaki pair and checkered pair I made in the 2 days before that.

These are 4 of 6 new sets of bandanas I purchased today in order to make even more bandana shorts and bandana pants for the little guy.

I am chomping at the bit to get these started. AND my head is already spinning over modifications and upgrades and taking these guys into winter with us. I have to admit, I am a little out of control right now.

I don't know if it's the fact that each pair of shorts, or pants as it were, costs less than 2 bucks or if it's the fact that my oldest thinks it is the coolest thing even that I made him a pair of shorts - unfortunately he didn't realize clothes came from anywhere other than the store (we are working on that one). Either way I am truly enjoying myself and that in itself is priceless.

Oh the Bargain Bins at the Bookstore...

2009-10-02T17:51:00.000-05:00

I went to Borders today, for 1 book, not a specific book, but certainly a specific subject. I left with 3 books and an Ultimate Spy Kit - oh how the Bargain shelves just draw me right in.

For less than 5 dollars I will disassemble The Tree and use its beautiful insides to create something new

For less that 4 dollars I can create any 1 of 400 dips, dressings, salsas, jams, jellies & pickles

For less that 3 dollars my oldest will be crafting his own little spy gear

It seems somewhat wrong to see a book in the bargain bin. How does a book lose value? How are the words it holds any less important 30 days after it hits the shelves? How are the beautiful pictures and illustrations less appealing to the eye after such a short period?

Of course I understand supply and demand and the waning and waxing of popularity, but it just seems wrong.

Unfortunately that may make me some sort of hypocrite or opportunist because I cannot visit a Borders or Barnes and Nobles or any book store without hitting the Bargain shelves - heck I spend more time there than anywhere else in the store.

Plus spending less than15 dollars on 3 books that not too long ago would have cost me over 60 makes me feel so much better about spending 40 on the ONE book I actually went in for.

Happy reading and bargain hunting and creating and spying and sewing and saucing.

Fruits of our Labor

2009-10-01T21:36:00.000-05:00

Although the hubby and I are taking a Texas Master Gardeners Class - we are by no means master gardeners. We are working together and learning daily how to help the soil work for us. That said, in the past month or two, after the blessed rains brought us some much needed relief from the worst drought since 1894, we have benefited from the occasional zucchini and some serious jungle growth.

And while even the occasional small zucchini is enough to give us a rush of pride - tonight's harvest was enough to push us over the edge! Enough to play a big roll in our dinner preparation and a big roll in our dinner conversation.

A beautiful green bell pepper to flavor our chicken and rice.

And more than enough zucchini to toss together with some garlic and olive oil.

Half of the dinner I served my family tonight came from my backyard. It got its water from myself or my husband or one of the boys. We watched for pests and pruned as needed. We pulled the weeds and fed the soil. And at the end of the day we made a damn good - if not very exciting - meal, and that feels better than I ever thought it could.

A day marred with the blahs, sitting in training that was less than satisfactory was pulled up by it's bootstraps and marched to the front of the stage to take one hell of a bow.

Can't shake the blahs

2009-10-01T09:42:00.000-05:00

I want to close my eyes right now, I could fall asleep, in this chair, at this table. I slept 7 hours last night, I haven't missed any sleep lately, but I am exhausted. Maybe its this cough I've been dealing with or the last 2 weeks, maybe I am a little more sick than I thought and it is dragging me down? I don't know what it is, but lord I would love about 3 days of sleep right now.
Now, my need for sleep isn't too big of a deal in the greater scheme of things, the day to day things still have to get done, beds have to be made, dinner has to be on the table, business has to keep running and moving forward - no matter how tired I am. The only difference is that everything seems to have a haze around it, this cloud lingering above everything.
This has been a full week, the coming weeks will be even fuller...oh how I hope I can shake this...

Well worth it.

2009-09-27T20:59:00.000-05:00

Another great day down - glad to be finished, too tired to type...

Jared did some climbing...

Daddy and I did some browsing...

An admiring...

And more browsing...

And more admiring....

And more...

And the boys did some hamming...

And some more...

We did get all the herbs into their new homes and more mulch for the garden - it smells like a poop festival in our front and back yards - but it a good way if you can imagine it!

The house is a little messy and tomorrow night I will be busy getting things straightened up, but we spent a productive weekend together making our home and our hearts just a little better...

Satisfaction Saturday

2009-09-26T22:29:00.001-05:00

I love a day like today. Busy all day, to and from and everywhere in between and all done with my favorite guys.
Trip to the Herb Farm

A family who seems to share our VW love...

A work in progress

A dress rehearsal

My hard working men, even long after dark

And my dirty little man, way past bedtime

A long and productive day, now it is time for some well deserved rest...

Progress

2009-09-25T09:37:00.000-05:00

My oldest son, my potential lawyer, the boy of a many arguments and very little attention span. Who is forever perplexed as to why we make our beds when we are just going to mess them up each night and why do we clean the house if it is just going to get messy again? This perpetually confused young man walked in to his room last night at bed time and immediatly turned back around - "Mom?"
"Yes son"
"Thank you for making my bed"
"Your Welcome"

And thank you for noticing and realizing it is something to be thankful for.

Pride

2009-09-24T09:26:00.000-05:00

My husband and I are attending classes in order to become Texas Master Gardeners - I was a little surprised he agreed to go, but it turns out he is really enjoying himself! That said, last night was our turn to bring eats and drinks for snack time - and in a class where even at 34 and 28 we are the youngest folks I was rightfully nervous. I have to admit, sometimes i still feel like I am just a punk kid still in my early twenties so my need to prove myself was great. Without going in to too much detail, and without admitting to spending an hour at World Market "mocking up" my bowls, napkins and mats and another 30 minutes at home doing a full dress rehearsal - I have to toot my own horn and say that it went off without a hitch! Not only without a hitch, but swimmingly, absolutely swimmingly. All of the older folks, whose disdain I feared - had nothing but good to say! In fact when our fearless gardening leader asked for volunteers to sign up for the weeks to come someone said, "I volunteer whoever brought the snacks tonight!"
I know it's silly, but that young punk kid inside of me really needed all the reassurance and kind words from my "elders" last night - it really was good for my soul.

On a different note - yesterday was also our anniversary - 3 years of marriage, although we've been together for more than twice that. We didn't go out to a fancy dinner and he didn't buy me a dozen roses, we went to gardening class together to learn about herbs and he grinned with pride at how well received my "meat-cicles" were and laughed at me for going through so much fuss and I remembered why I love him just a little bit more with each passing day.

If at first...

2009-09-22T22:02:00.000-05:00

Tonight I was reminded of some things I have started in the past; fads, life changes, whatever and I was reminded of my failures in these endeavors. Although I know it came from a place of anger it has not stuck in my mind because of hurt feelings or painful regrets. I am thinking about these things now because I am proud. I am proud that although I don't have it all figured out yet - I still try. I am proud that although I still make mistakes as a mother daily - I am trying to learn. I am proud that although I have failed in the past, I am not afraid of failure in the future. I am still trying to learn and better and grow and lose (in some cases) and I am not afraid. For every failure I experience - my eventual success will be that much sweeter.

Just sew...

2009-09-21T13:44:00.001-05:00

So I cleaned out our computer/junk/storage room yesterday and somewhere between forcing the door open against the piles behind it and finding the long since forgotten floor – I discovered my sewing machine. I bought her about 6 years ago, I had great intentions and visions of flowing curtains and as per usual a desperate need for instant gratification. Did I mention that I could possibly be described as impulsive, that sometimes I just buy things, and then I have these things and then I abandon these things? My self control in that area has improved somewhat with age, but the sewing machine came during a particularly weak period.
The timing is great, due to the inspiration of an old dear friend, my interest in my sewing machine is renewed. I really feel the itch to make and create and try my hand once again. That said, I don’t remember how to sew. It'not like i've forgotten the art over these 6 years, I didn’t really know how to sew when I bought the darn thing. I took a class once, 1 semester – in high school – to fill an empty slot. I did enjoy it, heck I even made a dress – I still have it – I couldn’t get into it – not even on a dare.
I am hoping that sewing is akin to riding a bicycle, that with a little refreshing, some steadying, maybe a push or 2, I can get right back on. We shall see.

Weekend Winding Down

2009-09-20T20:52:00.000-05:00

What a peaceful reprieve this weekend was. Jared lost his football game, but we shared breakfast with a old friend for his "28th" birthday. I swallowed my pride and we welcomed a weekly visitor and my family has a clean home for the week. We labored and sweated in the backyard, but soon we will have a whole crop of cool weather veggies. My big guys headed out to prepare the land for the upcoming deer season and Luke and I stayed behind and found the "floor" of our office. It was tedious and tiring, but we are organized once more and have made plans to tackle our next mess.
Everything we did this weekend had purpose and payoff - and that feels so very good.

I am still working on the cable plans...Gabriel is having a little trouble imagining life without cable. I think we will have to start with some compromise, maybe a little more progress after football season. I can already see so many changes with the squawk box just turned off.

New week ahead, going to be a super busy one!

Shawn Phillips

2009-09-18T15:25:00.000-05:00

A million years ago, when my mother still believed she was beautiful and her heart was still open and the only thing that weighed her down was an excess of love beads - she found Shawn Phillips. She found him and she kept him in her heart for so many years. And she played his music and danced to his rhythm and sung his praises..and I, I rolled my eyes and threw my head back in disdain and asked her to please, PLEASE put something else on.
Then one day I met the love of my life, and eventually I decided to marry that love and when that beautiful day plays in my mind I hear Shawn Phillips in the background. I don't even think a single Shawn Phillips song was sung that day, but in my head it streams in the background, just under all the other sounds and it lifts up my heart.
On days like today when my heart is heavy and my breathing deep. When I am anticipating change and beauty and strife and celebration I am drawn to Shawn Phillips and I thank the beautiful, love-filled hippie that my mother once was for carrying that in her heart and passing it on to mine.

Television, Schmellevision

2009-09-18T15:23:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, before football practice, Jared took me outside to pick zucchini and water all the plant babies. Luke fought him for the hose and there were some wet practice pants last night and there are some hyper hydrated tomatoes today, but we smiled and laughed. When he and daddy left Lukers and I sauteed the Zucchini, threw in a little corn, topped it all with parmesan shavings and shared a plate, at the big table, in the tall chairs, covered in corn kernels after he decided to feed us both himself. Then we just went about our night, folding clothes, reading books, doing dishes. When Jared and Daddy got home I fed them too, we talked about all the guys Jared tackled, sent him off to brush his teeth, snuck him a cinnamon almond to completely deface his clean teeth and sent him off to bed. Gabriel and I sat up and discussed the potential, upcoming cutting of the cable cord and then went to bed. All this with only Classic Rock streaming in the background. It was one of the best nights I've had in a long, long time.